* * The views of the fed-up author do not necessarily reflect the views of others on The Absorbe, but admit it, this is a fucked-up year and we’re all having a meltdown.
That’s it, we’re completely done. Let’s just trade these 5 last days of over-drinking for the sake of our sanity and our (already broken) hearts.
We really don’t need any more end of the year parties. We could even do without the NYE celebrations. As Michael Jackson would once say, JUST BEAT IT, 2016.
As I scroll down Instagram, I see posts saying “Thank you life, thank you 2016”. Excuse me, but: WHAT???????????. There was absolutely nothing to be catalogued as #blessed on this crappy year.
Let’s recap: we woke up on one January morning, turned on the TV, to find out that David Bowie, who had recently released his last album, who gave us so much, and marked the life of millions, was sick for long and passed away. We turned off the TV and horrified, hoped that this silly act would bring him back to life. Maybe it didn’t happen. Maybe it is a hoax. I sent my ex-boyfriend to check out David Bowie’s home in Berlin, some 400 mts away from my place, and yes, it was very real, Hauptstrasse 155, in Schöneberg, was covered in candles, flowers, photos and sorrow.
In less than 2 months, we lost some more mesmerizing music icons: Glenn Frey (The Eagles), Paul Kantner (Jefferson Airplane), Maurice White (Earth, Wind and Fire), Keith Emerson (Emerson, Lake and Palmer), Phife Dawg (A Tribe Called Quest), but no, you weren’t done. You were barely just starting.
On April 21st, I was at the gym, minding my own business, swiping through Tinder while I did my cardio, and then, suddenly, I get a whatsapp message: PRINCE WAS DEAD.
YOU DARED, 2016, KING OF ALL FUCKED UP YEARS, YOU TOOK THE MYSTICAL PURPLE ONE!
I think we all lost it on that exact moment. Once again, out of the blue, you ripped our hearts out of our chests, you threw them to the floor, you stomped on them and left us high and dry. And that wasn’t even Round 2.
Brexit came along, showing us that xenophobia could beat common sense and tolerance. We thought such a thing could never be possible, but it was, and it was very real. From the other side of the ocean, there was also a political battle: two questionable human beings were fighting for the US presidency – while Hillary is no Virgin Mary; Trump is the embodiment of the Ugly American, the intolerance, the lack of humanity. And that buffoon won. Proving that even though you are one of the most faulted human beings on the globe, that you abuse women, and are racist, evade taxes and spread hatred, you can actually win the presidency of one of the world’s superpowers. GREAT.
And for Round 3, you just caught us spitting blood on the ground, waking us all up with the loss of Leonard Cohen one of the greatest musicians and songwriters the world has ever seen.
Then you took on the fashion world, taking Franca Sozzani with you, and as a Christmas present, you took one of the biggest LGBT advocates, a great person and a fantastic musician: George Michael, who, curiously, had given the world one of the favorite Christmas songs ever. On December 25th, that’s next level fucked up, dear 2016. And yet once again, you weren’t done, you left us without Carrie Fisher, who not only played the iconic Princess Leia – now the badass General Organa – but showed us all that you could be brave, unapologetic, do whatever you wanted with your body and essentially, tell everyone to stick it up theirs.
I’m not even naming all the political disasters, various wars or violent episodes that went on this year, we all can name them. But in conclusion, 2016, let’s call it a year. You took all these people, and you left us with Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Marine Le Pen, Nigel Farage, Kylie Jenner and Justin Bieber. YOU WON. Now just claim your price, and leave. THANKS FOR NOTHING.